(On the field. Everyone is playing bowls.)

COACH: Come on, you PIGS! STOP! START AGAIN! Boromir what the HELL are you DOING!?!? AH!

(He Picks up a lot of bowling balls and starts firing them everywhere. In the end he gives in and blows the whistle)

COACH: OK everyone! Next session! I wanna see you do it! I wanna see you WIN! Now GO! Get the hell out of here!

(Goes over to bench and sits down. Accidentally knocks over a water bottle. As he goes to pick it up, he hears someone behind him)

COACH: This had better be good

(Turns around)

COACH: Yeah? What do you want?

(Now we go to the meeting)

PRINCIPAL: I'm sorry. We just don't have enough money to help raise the mallorn tree, Mr. Elfwork. And Ms. Dunédain? There will be no Pipe-Weed celebrations this year.

COACH: What about the bowling team?

PRINCIPAL: Yes Coach, they WILL get new bowling balls. AND new haircuts AND new manicures and anything else that they need. This is a town school. This is a bowling town, and that is what the town wants. Meeting closed. Goodnight everyone.

(Every one leaves *SUPPOSEDLY*, except Principal Antifreeze- she just goes to get her keys, when...)

PRINCIPAL: (Turns around quick) Oh! Coach Broadfoot! How may I help you?

COACH: You look very, very, ugly tonight.

PRINCIPAL: Excuse me?

COACH: You look very, very, ugly tonight.

PRINCIPAL: Well thankyou. Thats very flattering! Now if you dont mind- (Tries to get past, but he blocks her way)

COACH: You look very, very, ugly tonight.

PRINCIPAL: Go to the pub coach. Go drink this behaviour off. (Tries to go)

COACH: (Bars the way. This looks very funny: a very tall elf that cant get past a small hobbit blocking her way.) You look very, very, ugly tonight.

PRINCIPAL: DRINK it off coach.

COACH: I need, er, that bloodied knife over there on the desk so I can run er... crazy with it.

PRINCIPAL: Ok! You can have it! (Reaches over and gives him the knife). Now why don't you and your knife go drink. (Tries to get past, but he blocks her way) What do you WANT?

COACH: (Just manages to get hold of her neck and drives the knife up her nose. It doesnt go that far because he cant reach!)

PRINCIPAL: AH! MY NOSE!

COACH: (licks blood off contentedly) I always wanted to do that.

PRINCIPAL: HELP! HELP! (Pushes past him and runs to the school door, where Ms. Dunédain is waiting.)

MS. D: I forgotten my keys! I dont have my keys!

PRINCIPAL: Holy shit! (Runs back into the room, grabs her keys off of the floor and runs back) Oh my god! Oh my GOD! He's coming!

COACH: (Stamps down the corridor towards them) YOU LOOK VERY, VERY, UGLY- AH! (Steps on a stone. You realise that hobbits dont wear shoes, no?)

PRINCIPAL: AH! (Tries to open door with key. She just manages to as the coach starts running savagely towards her) Shut the door again! (They manage to do so)

PRINCIPAL: Oh my god... oh my god are you... what?!

MS. D: (Standing motionless, a pair of scissors that came from nowhere in her hand. She then savagely strikes the principal in the neck.)

PRINCIPAL: NOOOO!! (clutches neck. Blood is dripping through her hands. She begins to choke. Ms. Dunédain strikes her in the head, she makes a star sign in her head. She then mutilates her arm at the shoulder, just to make sure she's dead; and the socket's visible. *That's so cool!* The principal is lying on the floor. Ms. Dunédain then stabs her twice in each eye, and leaves the pair of scissors in one eye. Her eyes fill with blood, as she lies there, DEAD! *finally.  She took abut as long as Boromir did to die in FOTR!*.)

MS. D: I always wanted to do that.