Gandalf and the Balrog: What You DIDNT See
(Continued from when Gandalf says 'YOUU SHAALLL NOOTTT PAAAAAAAAASSS!!!')
GANDALF: YOU SHALL NOT PAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!!!!! (Bangs crooked staff on ground)
BALROG: AAHHHHH!!! (Falls) DEATH TO GANDALF! (Uses whp and catches him on the leg)
GANDALF: AHHH!!! (Falls over)
FRODO: GANDALF! (Tries to help but Boromir stops him)
GANDALF: Fly you fools! (Lets go)
FRODO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (Boromir carries him out)
What You DIDNT See!
GANDALF: (Still falling) Damn you Balrog!
BALROG: (Still falling next to him) Haha. Like the whip?
GANDALF: Is this about that date in the second age? Because-
BALROG: (Silent)
GANDALF: (pause) Because you never returned my calls. I SAID I was sorry.
BALROG: (Tears in eyes) But you didnt mean it, did you?
GANDALF: I did!
BALROG: Look me in the eye and tell me that you meant it!
GANDALF: I cant! Its pitch black down here!
BALROG: Excuses, excuses...
GANDALF: Thats NOT an excuse!
BALROG: Thats what you used LAST TIME!
GANDALF: I did not have my staff then!
BALROG: NO! You chose the one to store your PIPEWEED!
Didnt you? And what did you store under that? Where no one could see? Youre just a dirty old man!
GANDALF: DONT you bring my PORN MAGAZINES INTO THIS!
BALROG: And what did you store under THAT?
(silence)
GANDALF: Look, Im sorry-
BALROG: No Gandalf, its my fault. I shouldnt have started this. (Fiery tears spring up from its eyes)
GANDALF: Oh- please dont cry! Please! Not now!
BALROG: (Uncontrollable) You dont know what its like! Down here! All alone! No orcs to talk to!
GANDALF: Please-
BALROG: And now the CAVETROLL! He was my only friend!
GANDALF: Madame Balrog, I did not slay the balrog. That was Legolas the elf.
BALROG: (Almost stops crying now) Ah well, hes next.
GANDALF: Also, he almost speared a hobbit!
BALROG: Cavey would NEVER do that! (Bursts into tears, but stops quick) By the way- which hobbit?
GANDALF: The sexy dark haired one. Frodo.
BALROG: HE said he never liked brunettes. Felt they were too much competition.
GANDALF: Well let that live in our minds forever.
BALROG: Yes.
(Silence)
BALROG: You know you're pretty cute in the dark...
GANDALF: Your fiery glow is quite a turn on...
(Both suddenly land on a pile of leaves and branches)
GANDALF: Ah my arm!
BALROG: (Naughty) Dont worry I like battle scars in a man...
WHAT FOLLOWS IS GRAPHIC AND TWISTED AND THE DESCRIPTION IS NOT SUITABLE FOR THIS STORY.
